A man says to his nine-year-old son, "Son, I have a challenge for you. Ask your mother, your sister and your brother if they would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds, and come back and tell me the difference between what is potential and what is real."
The boy goes to his mum and asks her if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds.
"Ohh yes!" she says, looking up from her book. "He is rather dashing."
He then goes to his sister in her room and asks her the same question.
"Hell YES! He is welcome in my bed any day!"
He asks his brother. His brother "umm"s and "aah"s before coming to a conclusion.
"I would," he answers slowly. "But only because I want the money."
The boy returns to his father, who asks if he's found the difference between what is potential and what is real.
He thinks his answer through carefully.
"Potentially, we're three million pounds richer. In reality, we're living with two sluts and a queer."
When I heard this joke for the first time, I fell over laughing. I'm still unable to be in the same room as the person who initially told it without crying with laughter. That was two years ago. I think it's fair to say, this joke is a personal favourite.
A few days ago, I read an article online about political correctness, and how it causes us to suppress our true opinions and encourages us to lie and all that, and, to an extent, I agree - but typing the very last word of the joke makes me uncomfortable, just as it always makes me uncomfortable every time I say it aloud.
"Queer - Originally pejorative for gay, now being reclaimed by some gay men, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered persons as a self-affirming umbrella term. Caution: still extremely offensive when used as an epithet." [Urban Dictionary definition]
It's one of those awkward situations - to use the correct term, "homosexual", completely ruins the flow of the joke. The word "gay" isn't technically a noun in itself, and so, in that context, would be incorrect usage of the English language. That is definite. Once that's decided, it's an uncomfortable game called "which term is least offensive?"
[Here I'd like to say that I am homophobiaphobic]
Poof? Faggot? Bender? Nancy? Dyke? [Actually used when referring to a lesbian, but still.]
Why is it such a massive problem?! The only reason people hesitate when wondering what to call gays is because society has had it tattooed onto our minds that all slang is offensive. Does it have to be? I'm called names such as "fatty", "gingy" and "dumbass" so often that I'd sink into my own little depressed hole and grow to despise everyone and starve to death and be found in a state of half-decay several weeks later if I took offence every time they're casually thrown in my direction. Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's to do with familiarity [despite what you might think, strangers don't often address me with insults], but I do think that, when you take a step back, the situation has surpassed the interests of politeness and general etiquette and has entered into the realm of the completely ridiculous.
Yes, it always has been, and always will be, unacceptable to glorify racism, sexism, homophobia - any form of discrimination - but what makes jokingly calling a friend "a fairy" when he expresses feminine tendencies abominably rude? Is it only considered oafish to refer to women as "birds" because, several decades ago, it was just decided that life was boring and a word was chosen to become taboo without reason or justifiable cause? Quite possibly, in my humble opinion.
It's difficult, really difficult, to discern between the acceptable and the shootable offences. I think it's fair to say, and it's an overused quote - that this is political correctness gone mad.
Quote of the day: A quick test to see if you are a feminist. Stick your hand down your pants. a) Do you have a vagina? b) Do you want to be in control of it? If your answer to both was "yes" then, congratulations! You are a feminist. [Caitlin Moran]
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