Sigh

It's a strange place to be, here, where I am, in whatever sense you want "here" to mean. On the outside it feels like I'm floating from day to day in this weird little bubble of getting by (which I'm slowly getting better at), working and reading and talking and writing and sleeping and still being a little bit ill while out there, in the world outside of mine, is a whole planet and more of stuff that I'm still yet to discover. Time and space might be off-limits to me, but I'll be damned if I go my life without seeing what Planet Earth can show me, because for all its flaws, it's still pretty incredible.

Mount Rushmore, South Dakota

The Scottish Highlands

Copenhagen, Denmark

Lake Titicaca, Peru

Maracas Waterfall, Trinidad

Tokyo, Japan

Patagonia, Argentina

Easter Island, South Pacific Ocean

Lake Panajachel, Guatemala

Mount Rushmore ( )

The Highlands (x)

Copenhagen ( )

Lake Titicaca ( )

Maracas Waterfall ( )

Tokyo ( )

Patagonia ( )

Easter Island ( )

Lake Panajachel ( )

One down, longing sigh.

Inside, as in, inside my conceited little mind, things are even less lucid. While my body is going through the motions, my head is an assortment of random fruits in a blender, that could either turn out to be the most delicious smoothie in the world or a black, disgusting poison, and there's a finger hovering over the "blend" button, wanting to see how the experiment will turn out but also wary, so very wary, of which way it's going to go. I'm scared, I'm really scared. This life, this future that I've decided to pursue - I hate how uncertain it is. If I wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer and I didn't make it, I've still got med/law studies under my belt and that's fuckin' impressive! However if I completely fail as a writer then I'll just end up the frustrated thirtysomething with a dead-end office job and a degree in creative writing. See my point?

"You will soon find that the world is less strange than you think, but that people are more so." I'm really grateful to the brains behind that quote, and I feel really privileged to know him, in an endlessly-awkward, completely secret kind of way. I wish I could thank him.

Blerg

SICK SICK SICK, gnyeh. I hate being ill. I especially hate being ill just in time for the biggest family reunion since last summer, and I really hate passing it all on to people who never see me, thus ruining their holiday and generally messing up life in a spectacular fashion. Go Katherine.

I have missed so much work :| shiiiit

Just fangirlin'

Not hungover anymore! That is my victory for today. Last night was good. I woke up with a tonne of unintelligible messages to myself scrawled all over my arm, which was nice. It was like an "I love you sober-Katherine!" from drunk-Katherine.

We're having something of a reunion. There's family slowly trickling into the household in bitesize amounts. On Thursday Granny arrived. Yesterday my sister and nephew arrived. Earlier this evening my uncle arrived. Since then we've eaten a beast of a dinner and my sister and uncle and I have partaken in a megaconvo about TV shows and movies we've seen. In a way it's reassuring to know that my addiction to dramas and films is hereditary and not just nerdiness. My sister is in love with the entire cast of Avengers too! Oh, Mark Ruffalo is so hairy.

GNEH, GHYAHHH MY BROTHER COMES HOME IN, LIKE, FORTY-EIGHT HOURS. Thirteen months, thirteen months it's been.

Today my nephew snuggled into my neck and chilled out when he was all angry and upset. It was so special :)

It kind of dawned on me some time last night that a compliment is a compliment, and it doesn't matter who it comes from because, provided it's sincere, it's still a valid compliment. Compliment!

Gruh

My head is full of angry baboons fighting over an enormous drum kit.

Hello!

Do you ever wonder if your life is already mapped out? The people you meet, the job you end up doing, the time you die, etc - what if we have no control? Even spontaneous decisions - getting on a last-minute plane to some far-flung paradise in the throes of a pissed-off breakup and finding the person of your dreams and spending the rest of your life in a fuck-fuelled, romantic idyll - what if it's not spontaneous, and is in fact the consequence of SOMEONE ELSE picking everything we ever do the way I do playing Sims 2? It messes with my head.

So, hello. My posting habits are losing routine. I'm sorry.

I have the overwhelming urge to read all the Series of Unfortunate Eventses again, for the first time in about five years. In my infinite wisdom I saw it fit to put all the ones I owned in a bric-a-brac sometime last year, which is a little bit of a spanner in the... book.

Book.

Less than a week until my dorky brother and his equally dorky wife come home. Teehee!

Relapse

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Watched Captain America: The First Avenger last night. He was so weedy! His face was so big! I much prefer him with all the, uh, body.

Something cool. A thunk is "a beguilingly simple-looking question about everyday things that stops you in your tracks and helps you start to look at the world in a whole new light". For example: Is thinking you're right the same as knowing you're right? Is it better to play well and lose or play badly and win? Is there more future than past? Can you touch the wind? In a dark room is there a reflection in the mirror? (That last one gives me the collywobbles.) 

Went to the adolescent mental health centre in Ipswich this morning. The psychiatrist (or "shrink", if you want to be a cliche) was really reassuring, in exactly the way I needed someone who knows what they're talking about to be. We talked, for ages, and he gave some really helpful advice on studying up, getting down with the terminology and the like. He told me to squeeze an ice cube.

I feel more relieved, than anything else. Just, relieved. Mum is doing her best to understand and that makes a huge difference. 

And that hilarious I-have-CDO-it's-like-OCD-but-in-the-right-order-the-way-it-should-be joke? Don't even try.

Excitement.

I'm growing my first wisdom tooth! It's surreal, to have this intrusive bit of calcium getting in the way of my tongue after a ten-year hiatus, since the last adult tooth grew out. It has occurred to me that my baby nephew and I are teething at the same time, and I don't know yet if I have a problem with this.

The link leads to the first YouTube advert I have not skipped. Maybe I'm going soft or something, but it made me really sad. GOOD ADVERT. Click here.
Check these out:

Do you know why the rain comes? 
It's because someone is praying for all 
your sadness to be erased to comfort you. 

It seems as if I've already known you since I was young. 

After I met you, I even stood in daybreak's heavily falling rain 
to help you. I was the one who believed. 

When the rain comes, think of me. Will that give you strength? 
I've left and my trace is over the rainbow. 

I'm sorry. 

Ever since an age too young, 
I think I was already dirty. 

When I disappear from this world 
I want to become clean before I go. 

So deep into ground and very bright. 
If I become dirty I'm afraid you might become dirty too. 
Because you'll try to follow me, like you always do. 

When the rain comes, think of me. Will that give you strength? 
I've left and my trace is over the rainbow. 

When the rain comes I pray.
When I see the rain I pray. 
When I see the rain I pray. 

I'm sorry. Don't throw me away. I'll be waiting. 

Do you know why the rain comes? 
It's because someone is praying for all 
your sadness to be erased. 
So that I can comfort you. 

I'll become your rain.

It's from a song called Over the Rainbow, by the Trax. This is the English translation, and it genuinely stuns me, how damn pretty the words are.
Have a list of songs I can't get out of my head:

• I Just Dropped In, Kenny Rogers
• Curse of the Millhaven, Nick Cave
• Here Comes the Sun, Nina Simone
• Crashed the Wedding, Busted (I regret nothing)
• Via Chicago, Wilco
• Slow Century, Herman Dune
• Whistle for the Choir, The Fratellis
• It Must be Love, Madness
• Changes, Black Sabbath (Speaking of which, check it out - Iron Man likes Black Sabbath too!)
• It Ends Tonight, All-American Rejects
• Stormy End, Sunrise Avenue
• Piece of my Heart, Janis Joplin
• Fifty Ways to Say Goodbye, Train
• Stay the Night, James Blunt
• Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, Elton John

Doctor Who tonight! I want this guy back on my screen as soon as humanly possible:

Dat face.