This is becoming something of an addiction, this "blogging" business

I've always wondered what other people say about me... I don't know whether it's more annoying for people to tell you that they've been doing so but not actually say what they said, or for them to lie and furiously deny it. Hmm.

Biology was... ugh. Not as bad as I thought it was going to be, but then it would have had to be truly disastrous to have been worse. At least that was my last exam. I refuse to think about them now, until I get the results sometime in March. I've decided, just to torture myself some more, that I'm going to film myself opening them and I pinky promise to put a link up on here, just so anyone who still reads this can laugh at my pitiful attempt at the education system or, worse, go "Three Fs! That's amazing! Three Fs, well done! I only got fifty kajillion As but - wow, what I'd give to be you, with your three Fs! You're so clever! Three Fs - three Fs! Life just couldn't get much better for you, could it?" I'm not interested - anything less than a B, for myself, is a disappointment, and I want y'all to make me feel shit if I do badly, ok? Which is looking kind of likely, if I'm honest. I'm predicting myself a B in psychology and Ds in both biology and general studies. Maybe the shattered self-esteem will motivate me to actually do some work for the rest of the year an' all.

Quote of the Day: Always deny the apocalypse, because you're almost always right, and if you're wrong, there'll be no one around to say "I told you so". [Charlie McDonnell]

This study can be criticised for lacking in ecological validity, owing to the highly artificial envirobabble Inuit flibajib harrram blimple sock meargghh *brainmelt*

Man, I'm hungry.

Psychology exam went depressingly badly. I referred to Van Ijzendoorn and Kroonenberg, respected psychologists who compiled the cultural variations of Ainsworth's Strange Situation developmental study, as "the two Swedish guys". I've since found out neither of them is even from Sweden. I fail.

Flamboyant Sam announced that he likes to read this because it's a "useful insight into my mind". Am I really that hard to read? I'm usually pretty blatant about most things. Hi, Sam.

Quote of the Day: Make sure that she sees. Let the whole world know you belong to me. [Walk Me Down the Middle, Band Perry]

Just noticed...

995 VIEWS! FIVE MORE!

Unidentified characters

I just found a key that makes § <-- that shape. Amazing.

Remember the pantomime I was in early December? The DVD arrived earlier today and I just watched it. Man, it felt weird watching myself. I look so pathetically spindly. It was probably better, as a whole, for me to watch as an audience than the actual audiences we had because it's only us that really knows how much blood, sweat and tears went into it. Man, I miss it. Even the relentless teasing. At one point in the dress-rehearsal, everyone managed to convince me that, because of the way the lights work, my clothes went completely see-through when I was on stage. We all met up for bowling [first strike of the night - on my first throw - the first time I ever remember going bowling - hell yes!] on Friday, and it just struck me how much I love being with them. It was... lovely. There's no other way of describing it. Just don't tell any of them I said that, I'd never hear the end of it.

One half of the double act; the cross-dresser [now with purple hair]; Prince Charming

Quote of the Day: Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend. [Stephen King]

Argh!

What am I doing on this! I have a bastard exam tomorrow and my head is no more filled with psychorelevant babble than it was when I started the damn course in September. BOLLOCKS.

On the upside, I think I've committed two cool words to my internal dictionary, which I've known for a while but have, until now, had a mental block on: "proverbial" and "sanctimonious". Win.

I have a friend who nabbed herself a boyfriend sometime in November, and she's so damn happy. I feel like such a bitch for being jealous, but it's so frustrating, this little, life-dominating problem I have with finding someone not miles out of my league to fall for, and for being so mean to people crazy enough to fall for me, who, if I was any sort of sane, would leap at the opportunity to be with. It's like my head wants me to be miserable.

Gnuh indeed.

Quote of the Day: Here's my advice on women: don't give them nicknames like "jumbo". [Homer Simpson]

40th post!

I feel this calls for a celebration!

Wow. Funny to think that I've reached a four and an oh. Well, not that funny. I reached a three and a nine easily enough, it was only a matter or time until the big guy came along.

Why am I so abnormal...

Anyway, I don't really have anything to talk about. Nothing deep and philosophical, or humorous and lighthearted, or furious and rant-worthy. I'm just not feeling any of those adjectives at the moment. So maybe just a normal catchup is in order?

Actually, nah. I'm too lazy. This really has been a waste of everyone's time, hasn't it? Sorry about that. I do sometimes wish I was less of a shit and just got on with stuff, actually did my work on time and contained my blog posts to meaningful fables/inspirational musings and all, but it's just not going to happen anytime soon. Until then, it looks like I'm just going to carry on doing stuff I shouldn't when I should be doing stuff to get me where I ultimately wish to go. It's pretty good, having no ambition or work ethic, actually.

Oh - I've decided on my New Year's Resolutions:

1. Tick ten things off on my bucket list.
2. Learn to cook more basic meals.
3. Go an entire year without eating meat.

Reasonably doable, right?

Quote of the Day: Smile as if we actually like her. [Jack, inspiring himself and the person on my other side to look happy for a photo]

Birds, the bastards

I hate birds.

Well, that's not entirely true. I hate pigeons and seagulls and vultures and other flappy birds that congregate for no reason other than to inhibit their already limited food supplies and make us irritable humans even more pissed off than is our default. You think, by now, they'd have figured out that, if they travel alone, they're going to survive better, but apparently not. 

I hate the way there'll be hundreds of them, pigeons, mostly, covering an entire pavement, pecking away at nothing and generally just being in the way. And then, to your dismay, you find you need to traverse the pigeons to get to a location on the other side of them - but they've formed a birdy carpet on the ground, damnit! Yes, there's another way to get there, but it's a twenty-five-minute walk down every single dark, lawless alleyway the city you've found yourself in has to offer, all of which you know from previous experience are completely void of reception, and you're in a bit of a rush and you have no desire to be murdered and raped [though preferably in that order, if it has to happen] - and so you clutch your bag a wee bit tighter to your chest, take a deep breath, and plough with all the bravery and intention of Braveheart into the sea of winged opposition, well knowing it could be your last battle.

And - instead of obeying the simple size-equals-power laws of nature engrained into most organisms' innate beings along with the natural fear of anything hairy, spiky, tentacled or feral - the little shits come flying at you! All of them! Bravado lost, you scream in horror and are, within seconds, reduced to curling into a ball on the floor, sobbing your eyes out and banging your head against the asphalt for being so stupid as to ever think you could defeat a colony of malicious, diabolical, heinous, villainous, bloody birds. Original goal forgotten, you climb onto the first bus headed for home, crying softly to yourself and wondering what your purpose in life is now your trauma and, now, lifelong phobia has been established for the world to chortle at.

Damn pigeons.

All that said, I do like flamingoes. And ostriches. And puffins.

Maybe it's just birds of flight I'm not so keen on, then. Smug wankers. "Look at me, with my functional wings! I'll have none of your flightless crap, chicken." My cat could take you bastards on any day, bastards.

Quote of the Day: Labour, ready! Tories, ready! BRING ON THE WALL! [Russell Howard, Mock the Week; unlikely things to hear on a TV election debate]

The Christmas-New Year State of Utter Limbo

You know what I mean. There's six days between Christmas day and New Year's Eve, and they're the most disconcerting six days in the calendar. You spend your time alternating between weeping over the newly-developed love handles and drinking too much eggnog, "because it won't keep". That's what Granny was saying after her third, anyway. 

So my second Christmas with extended family was great. I ate my body weight in roasties. Sweet, sweet roasties. They bought me Will Young's new album, Echoes! No one makes me happy in quite the way that Will Young does. Yeah, similar to Hatter actually, we played a game with scissors while my nephew [I'm never going to get used to saying that] slept and, a bit later when he'd woken up again, we had a pass-the-parcel. Bloody hilarious, watching two eighty-something women trying to play Mistletoe and Wine on kazoos as a forfeit fiendishly invented by myself. 

The next two days passed in a largely guitar-oriented blur. Attempting to learn Personal Jesus by Johnny Cash - it's on my bucket list now, to perform that song in public on the guitar, so I have to learn it now. Beginning to wish I'd picked an easier song.

Went back home to Northants on the 29th, inflicted my presence on the Pygmy and her family. Honestly, I wonder why they haven't banned me from staying with them yet, I must be such an inconvenience. The day after, some of the guys came over and we all hung out in her wee bedroom for a few hours, just a-chattin' and truth-or-dare-in' and stuff. It was so, so lovely to see them again - I wish I'd been able to see more people, but in actuality it was probably perfect with just five of us. We all know the bedroom got hot enough. In retrospect I see that some of the stuff I said about people who weren't there weren't pleasant but the person in question is everything I despise in this world. Going off topic in euphemistic efforts to justify myself, she let me down after a decade of being closer to me than a sister. I'm more upset about the wasted years than the fact she's nothing to me anymore. It's her own stupid fault I can't stand her anyway.

Not that I'm bitter or anything, eh!

Bringing this back to a somewhat lighthearted tone, New Year was... Ugh, screw lighthearted. I'll be able to laugh about it next year, put it that way.

Lost my Sherlock Holmes virginity on the 1st, curled up on another friend's sofa with a Baileys. How can I have lived almost 17 years and not have completely fallen in love yet! I missed the entire first series of the Steven Moffat interpretation! Oh, Benedict Cumberpatch! Get in my bed! Ahh, happy times. 

Got back earlier today, did some pretty damn intensive revision and then, after mum and dad had gone to sleep, went and dyed my hair. It's not dry yet so I'm not sure how it'll turn out, but I'm willing to bet it'll be a darker shade of purple and it'll almost definitely be humiliatingly streaked with great patches of ginger because I'm rubbish at everything. I'm looking forward to seeing how it turns out, but my head reeks of ammonia. I don't even want to think about the noxious fumes now lingering around all my respiratory orifices. 

I asked my parents earlier today if, instead of being given driving lessons for my 17th in a few weeks, I could be given money to do a CBT course. Yeah, I'd love to be able to drive a car, but they're so damn expensive, the lessons are so damn expensive, fuel is expensive, maintenance is expensive, insurance is expensive - and I'd still fail my test. I want to learn to drive a motorbike; all I have to do is convince mum and dad of the logistical and fiscal benefits. On top of that, motorbikes are damn sexy. Mopeds, not so much, and seeing as that's what you have to drive for 2 years before progressing to anything with an engine more powerful than 125cc, I needn't get too excited about looking hot on a bike yet - but I can dream. Mopeds are better than nothing.

I have a friend I haven't seen for a couple of weeks and it's bothering me more than I thought it would. I'm surprised by how much I miss him. We don't even go to the same school anymore so I don't know when I'll see him next, but, yeah. I miss him.

Ohhhh shit. Exams in, what, 8 days? I'm freaking out. Damn biology. Damn psychology. Damn life!

Quote of the Day: Though I know I'll never lose affection for people and things that went before, I know I'll often stop and think about them. [In My Life, The Beatles]