You should read this, provided that you are who should be reading this

So, what happens now?

1. We get over it and treat the last five months like another funny-yet-embarrassing anecdote, along with Hamish, "yaw", the drunk texting, Annalise's bathroom, Scrabble, gin-cherryade cocktails at ten in the morning, our attempt at a spliff and all the other incidents that we compile every time we have too much to drink. But funnily enough, I don't want to be considered a funny story to bring out at parties in ten years, just as I don't appreciate the niggling paranoia telling me that I was just a novelty to you.
2. We continue to not speak. While this is the most appealing option from my perspective right now, it can't be a permanent thing if we ever want to break through this awkward barrier of absolute silence. (Helpful hint. You don't want to speak to me because you're afraid I'll lash out at you. Yeah, I probably will - but I will not make the first move for you, because it's what I did for every single motherfucking step of what we had, and it's time you took your turn.)
3. We pretend nothing is different and act the way we did when we first met. While I have no doubt that this is what would be great for you; just as the sun doesn't rise from the west, it isn't going to happen. You understand.

And I'm writing this here because there is just every chance you'll actually read it. You never do! I know for a fact that he's asked you many times to read his blog and you don't, despite it being a perfect insight into his mind, ideal especially considering all the times we've agreed that we never know what he's thinking. It's the same with me! You're confused? You don't know why I'm pissed, why I don't want to speak? Take a fucking interest.

I didn't even realise until now how much of what I am is influenced by you. The progress I've made since September, since meeting you, isn't a coincidence. It's because of you. Something simple like the music on my playlists, to the complexities of what I want to achieve, who I want to appeal to, who I am now and what I have to do to reach the person I want to be. Even my appearance, the clothes I wear! We're nothing alike and yet I see more and more of you in everything I say, do and interpret! It is an endless source of frustration!

You've taken everything and made it yours. What was mine doesn't fit me anymore, and I don't know yet if I merely resent or completely hate you for it.