Since the last time...

EXAMS. DONE. YES. 

My lovely mother treated me for surviving them. In case you can't read backwards, it says "SHERLOCK" and then "COMPLETE SERIES ONE & TWO". Victory is mine. 

See the happiness.

OH MY, THEY'RE DONE. I could not be more grateful. Though whenever I tell people that exams are over they'll always ask if I'm done with school forever and then I have to admit that, actually, I have to go back in a week. But a week of guiltless arsing around! Priceless. Celebrated with a Sherlock evening with mum. I have concluded that Benedict Cumberbatch is the cause of my unreasonable expectations of men.
Went to the doctor yesterday. Dr L, cool guy. Quite good looking for an older man. I talked to him about some stuff, and what he diagnosed was at once hugely reassuring and a cause of immense stress. On the one hand, I haven't been acting like a drama queen for years. There is an actual reason. On the other - oh, fuck, there's something wrong with me. I don't know whether to be relieved or even more anxious. 
Anonymous and Alien and I celebrated the end of exams today. It was wonderful to be encompassed by two people I love being around, lazing around in her bedroom and eating enough crap to halve each of our life expectancies. [Difference between "half" and "halve"; the latter is the verb, the process by which an amount is reduced by 50%, and the former is the 50% that remains. Yes, I looked it up.] It's interesting that what is said and done between the three of us is largely guarded. I hadn't thought about it at the time. Anonymous began to crave sugary crap around four, and after that gorging sesh I've decided to try and refrain from eating excessive amounts of said crap from now on.
My brother turned thirty yesterday! He's so fucking old! Well, no he's not, a person isn't old until they've hit the sixty to seventy bracket, roughly, but all the same - thirty! The big three oh! Only thirteen years until that's me. Life is just passing me by.  

Moving swiftly on, I found a thing. Try it. You'll get the hang of it. Name twenty people. Answer questions. Hardest part is coming up with enough people that you know.

1. Alien

2. Anonymous

3. Sophie

4. Chicken Tits

5. Mac

6. Zilla

7. Ben

8. Rory

9. Fran

10. Luke

11. Charlotte

12. Cousin E

13. le Brother

14. le Sister

15. Jon Snow [I ran out of real friends about here]

16. Sherlock Holmes

17. George Weasley

18. Tim Canterbury [The Office]

19. Benjamin [the most intriguing character in Animal Farm]

20. Earl Hickey

THE QUESTIONS:

• How did you meet number 10?

In my first year at my first secondary school. It’s so strange to think back to then, now. 

• What would you do if 20 and 17 dated?

Earl and George... Y'know, somehow I just don't see it.

• If you could marry between 6 or 18 who would it be?

That is actually a very difficult choice...

• Have you ever seen 4 cry?

I don't believe I have

• Would number 1 and 2 make a good couple?

She has explicitly stated on many occasions that she would hate it :P Not that she hates Anonymous, just because it really would be undeniably weird

• Describe 8:

An enormous $#!†. Nah. He's cool. Clever in a way I don't know how to describe. Hugely pretentious, but it's justified so that's okay. I like his quiff. And that his ears move when he drops his face. 

• Do you like 12?

Of course I do. 12 is family. It hurts that I'm not nearer to be the irresponsible big cousin/sister figure, if she wants me to be one.

• Tell me something about 17:

The best character in the entire Harry Potter universe, who should be with Luna Lovegood.

• What's 7's favorite color?

Electric green. The colour of the Borat mankini from which he draws all inspiration.

• What would you do if 1 just confessed they liked you?

Ha!

• When was the last time you talked to number 19?

Never have done, because he's a fictional donkey, but I'd like to. He comes out with some good stuff. Rather have no tail and no flies, all that. Makes you think. In the face of corruption I like to think I can be like him - cynical, clever, maintaining priorities. And all.

• How do you think 15 feels about you?

I know how I want him to feel about me, but that's X rated and not for your mind to picture. And not for the eyes of anyone at school, if their internet blocker is anything to go by. Forbidding Jon Snow! Heresy!

• What language does 13 speak?

Ah, my fucking ancient dorky brother. English, a smattering of Arabic and broken Korean. 

• What year is 16 in?

I'm confident in saying that Sherlock Holmes has left school.

• What is 5's favorite music?

Oh, goodness me. I have no idea. Last I knew she liked Taylor Swift but that was a fair while ago. Lying on a shingle beach, sharing earphones and screaming "I had the time of my life fighting dragons with youuuu" at the sky and beginning to wonder where our parents had got to. It was pleasant. 

• Would you ever date 3?

No. She's my little Sophie :)

• Is 10 single?

I don't believe so

• What is 11s last name?

She shares it with the lady-man invigilator who guarded our psychology exam.

• Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 7?

There was nothing serious about it :P We came to the conclusion that our relationship was based on tolerance

• Where does 18 live?

Slough!

• What do you think about 20?

He's cool. I like his attitude. He's a very tolerant guy.

•What is the best thing about 4?

Her general ability to be wonderful

• What would you like to tell 14 right now?

Your son is the cutest baby ever and I am so proud of you. Thank you for putting up with me

• How did you meet 9?

I met her in English on my first day at a new school for GCSE, and I was hugely intimidated because she's stunning and good looks are frightening.

• What is the best and worst thing about 2?

Best: His pathological skulking.

Worst: The fact that every time he turns his head, his enormous Jewish nose knocks objects sitting on the mantlepiece on the other side of the room.

• Are you going to know 3 forever?

Yes! Always!

•Would you lick number 15?

I told you - not for your mind to picture.

• Would you drink number 18s saliva?

Uh... no

• Have you rode a roller coaster with number 7?

I don't believe I have. He'd be the worst person to go on one of those things with anyway. He'd act all macho and then shit himself when it started to get scary. Exactly the same with Woman in Black.

•What word comes into your head when you think of number 9?

Spoon, naturally

I have a really good quote for you. It's from the mind of Dylan Moran, one of my favourite comedians: "Apparently, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. But skinny tastes like celery, and not skinny tastes like cake." 

Well. I'm knackered. Spent a couple of hours last night writing, for the first time in weeks, and I can't describe to you just how wonderful it felt. It's probably the best feeling in my world, working on a story in the early hours of the morning when I feel most alive, and actually progressing. I'm beginning to get the hang of this writing lark, I think. Hope. Anyway, I'm going to use tonight to sleep because I neglected to do so last night and my body's been crying out for rest for the best part of twenty four hours. 
Today I realised something. Even if life goes tits up, even if everyone I love decides to leave, even if I'm left bruised and battered and bitter and ugly by the things that happen to me, it's okay, because I found a pair of socks with the Union Jack on them. Life doesn't get better than this.